The deep blue laughs at me. It wants to be in the center. There, where it had stopped yesterday at the end of yesterday’s picture. Ok. And then? All the colors of the rainbow. Spectral colors have been on my mind for quite a while: In photography, in the garden, and this morning in Harald Mante’s book on serial photography. Colorful rings are emerging, carefully delineated from each other. I don’t know yet what the colors will do when they mix. So they stay separated from each other for now. Control.
Then the situation slips away from me: I felt like muddling, so I spread the glue very boldly as a primer. And now the colors on top, also really bold. The colors start to slip and drip down from the sheet. Upset! First a coffee to get some distance. During this time, of course, the colors continue to slip. I am seriously pissed off. The sheet turns into a child’s drawing before my eyes. What a bummer! I don’t want to be a beginner. I want to be able to paint. Now, here and now! Burning impatience. Anger at having to take these small steps and not knowing when it will be „good“ enough.
Take a breath. Back to my self-imposed task: One picture every day. I can go back because there’s real trouble ahead: If I wait any longer, all the stuff will slip down. So the „savior“ program is fired up. It’s very similar to the „on the last push“ mode, because simply all alarm bells are ringing and clear thinking is no longer possible. Without it, there is a good chance that I would have simply looked for another activity. But now back to the bow at full speed.
Take another breath. Be pragmatic: Where can I start most easily? In the corners, there are not so many sections. I feel that my desire today was to practice the great circle swings of the Zen masters. The ones that had impressed me the day before yesterday. I will see when I will dare to try the circle swing. Light red and orange, in any case, only get partial swings off. I’ll get braver with yellow, and then with the light green I’ll actually try it out. A little eggy, yes. But that’s all right. The smaller circles swish along on their own. And so I circled from the outside to the inside back to the middle, to the center. Literally. Made a point with a little dab of purple. Relief.
For the first time and under these difficult conditions with the too much glue, it had actually gone quite well. Quickly remove the paper and lay it down before gravity strikes again. Problem solved for today. Only the impatience, it still hangs around in a corner and grumbles away. Hopefully it won’t get in the way in the next few days. How do I get her back on board?